


What Are You?

by ValkerieRupert



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, Heavy Angst, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-24 00:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16629176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkerieRupert/pseuds/ValkerieRupert
Summary: Hiding in their secret base, the so-called Crystal Gems have seen some awful things and done some awful things. They don't like what they've become, but they do what it takes to survive. But when Pearl makes a mistake and is desperate to get back in the team's good graces, she comes up with the idea of taking a hostage and things only get worse from there.





	1. Introduction

**This is never going to be okay.**  
**Everything in my life is broken. All I have left are my friends, my team.**

**We've been hiding here for as long as I can remember.**  
**This is a cruel world, and we're here in the only kind part of it. Our job is to find the people that aren't really as tough as they seem, the ones that shouldn't have gotten caught up in all this.**  
**We recruit them.**  
**We don't like it, but we're kinder to them than anyone else would be. We keep them safe, we make sure they have food and water and clean clothes.**  
**It's the kids that are the worst. Not the kids themselves, just the fact that they're here. It breaks my heart every time I see them.**  
**They don't belong here. Nobody belongs here. The people that are here, are here because they don't belong anywhere else.**  
**They don't have a place. Our job is to make a place for them.**  
**And we hate it. We hate every second of it but we have to keep doing it. If we don't, nobody else will.**  
**So we keep going. We protect those who need protecting, even if that is sometimes a hard job. We're the Crystal Gems, and we're not stopping any time soon.**


	2. Fusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Garnet's POV

"Garnet, can you look after Amethyst for a few hours while Bismuth and I look for Pearl?"  
I nodded in agreement but I could already see Amethyst stomping her foot. "I don't need looked after!" she protested. A lie, of course. Amethyst was the youngest of us, but only by a few months, though considering how short she was I could understand why you would think otherwise. Age doesn't matter out here, though.   
No, the real reason she needed supervised was clear to me. Amethyst was new here. They had all been camping out here, in the mountains where they were hidden from everything, for years now. Amethyst had joined us last week. She didn't know what was safe, or how far they could go before they weren't in Crystal Gem territory. She couldn't be left alone.  
I remember finding her. We were going out into the city. We try to avoid that as much as possible nowadays, but we needed supplies. We didn't want to risk being found, though, so it was just Rose, Pearl, and I. We found Amethyst on our way back; she was sort of living in the forest, hunting small animals for food. Like a feral child.   
So, we talked to her. Well, more accurately, Rose talked to her while Pearl and I had a whole other conversation through a combination of hand gestures, eye contact, and blinking morse code. We all know morse code here. Anyway, Rose eventually managed to find out some info about her: She had run away from home for reasons she refused to tell us about, she had been living off the land for two months, and her name was Manaia Letoa.  
That was her mistake, and we quickly told her off. Around here, nobody has names. Only gemstones. Hers was Amethyst and mine was Garnet. Names can be tracked.   
Amethyst was a dark-skinned girl, with onyx eyes and dark brown hair. When she first came to us she was wearing the bare minimum of clothing, bra and underpants. We gave her some of my clothes when she got here, but they were far too big.  
I looked at her rolls of fat, and grimly thought that they would be gone when winter started.  
I wondered where Pearl was. I had assumed she was just going out to steal cigarettes or something. I didn't approve of her smoking habit, but I've seen worse. Half of the Fusions were addicted to all sorts of drugs, and though she tried to deny it I was sure Bismuth was an alcoholic. Rose had only three rules about drugs and alcohol, including cigarettes - that you could only take them here in our base where we were safe, that you couldn't take them unless you could at least somewhat function when high, and that it was your responsibility to get a hold of them. At least Pearl was careful to smoke in private, where nobody else would breathe it in by accident.   
Everyone's addicted to something around here. For some, it's recreational drugs. For Bismuth, it's alcohol. For Pearl, it's the nicotine. For Rose, it's helping the helpless. That's why the Crystal Gems exist in the first place.   
For me, it's the thrill of almost dying. It happens so often I've gotten used to it by now. By now I've figured that risking my life stealing food is better than what I have to do to get money to pay for it.  
For young Amethyst here, I think it was causing trouble, because she wouldn't stop begging me to take her somewhere. Eventually, I gave in and made her promise to stay in my sight the whole time.   
I took her over the mountains a little, further away from society. To the other base.   
Once you're out there, where I took her, you're in an odd position. You're safe from everyone, but it takes a whole day to get somewhere where you can get food.  
Unless you have a farm.  
"Who made this?" she stuttered, staring at the fresh fruits and vegetables growing around her. "I thought they only had farms in, like, the really remote places and they shipped the food over here?"  
"That's normally the case. But these people...they managed to make it work."   
I turned towards the thick trees, grinning. "You can come out, it's just Garnet and a new Gem."  
Slowly, but surely, they came out.  
First, it was Alex, then Sard and Sugi behind her. After that was Opal and Rainbow, and finally Ruby and Sapphire.  
"Are they more Crystal Gems?" asked Amethyst.  
"Not exactly," I explained. "They call themselves the Fusions. They sort of...camp out here and make their own food, so they don't have to go back to society and steal. They're kind of trying to rebuild civilization out here. But they have gemstone codenames like us, I guess. They kinda stole that from us."  
"So... are they our friends?"  
"Yeah. When things get tough, we help them run the farm and they help us steal food. They mostly keep to themselves, but they help us when we need it. C'mon, let me introduce you to them."  
I started with Alex, or Alexandrite to use her real codename. Alex was the sort-of leader of the Fusions, a tall olive-skinned woman with wild, messy light brown hair that went all the way down to her waist. Though the worst of her scars were covered up by her clothing and the gloves she wore, one notable mark was still visible on her forehead. I remembered seeing her get that scar. I didn't want to remember.  
Alex was pretty cool with Amethyst, so Garnet went on to introduce the new recruit to the others. After Alex was Sardonyx, or Sard for short, a dark-skinned woman with short, curly blonde hair. She seemed to still be acting like the universe was her reality TV show. Probably high.   
Next was Sugilite, aka Sugi. Sugi was the largest of the group, with dark skin and wild black hair. She seemed to like Amethyst, although I suspected she might also be high on something. There was a hole in her shirt and a huge scar on her chest that I hadn't seen before. I prayed it wasn't new.   
Opal was next - a stoic dark-skinned Indian woman with long blonde hair tied into a ponytail that reached her knees, though her fringe was just long enough to hide the scar on her forehead. After her was Rainbow Quartz, who was pale, blonde and blue-eyed, and seemingly very busy talking to Opal, so much so that she couldn't talk to Amethyst.  
Last but not least was Ruby and Sapphire.  
Ruby had dark skin, onyx eyes and red hair in a vaguely square-shaped Afro. She was wearing a red tank top, brown shorts, and maroon boots. She greeted me first with a hug and then with an overly long explanation to Amethyst of her life story.  
Sapphire, by contrast, had pale skin and long platinum blonde hair that covered most of her face. She didn't say a word to either of us, until Amethyst asked, “Hey, you too stupid to talk?”  
Then, Sapphire said emotionlessly:   
“You were living in the wild for around two months before you joined the Crystal Gems, and before that, you lived in a home where you felt you didn't belong due to being the youngest in a family with several siblings. You weren't able to do any jobs to help your family due to a disability you haven't told us about, and you didn't want to be a burden to them, so you ran away.”  
Amethyst gasped. “You just told my life story! How did you know that?!”  
“Elementary, my dear Amethyst.”  
She was about to explain how she had figured it out when I heard a _ding_ coming from my pocket. I took my phone out to see a message from Bismuth.  
 _dude pearl fucked up_  
Another _ding_. This time it was Rose.  
 _Garnet, I need you, Amethyst and the Fusions to meet us in our base. Something happened._


	3. The Hostage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Rose's POV

We arrived at the base during the evening, Bismuth still gripping Pearl’s arms with fury.   
“What is it?” asked Opal anxiously.   
I sighed as Bismuth released Pearl. As angry as I was, I wouldn't force her to explain what she did. “Well,” I said. “as it turns out, Pearl was trying to strike up a deal with an unknown gang without consulting us.”  
Ruby gulped. “What happened?”  
“They pretended to agree to it, then turned on her. We arrived just in time. She could have died, and now people we don't know have information on us.”  
Garnet glared. “So, basically, you betrayed us.”  
“WHAT?!?” choked Ruby. “How could you do that?!??”  
“Calm down, Ruby,” said Sapphire.  
Garnet sighed. “You really screwed up this time, Pearl.”

For the next few days, Amethyst and I were the only people who talked to Pearl. She hated the isolation. She came up with many crazy ideas to get back in the team’s good graces. Each was turned down, each except, somehow, the one that disgusted me the most.   
“A hostage?” I choked. “Pearl, that goes against everything we stand for.”  
“Besides,” said Garnet. “If we took a hostage then they would know where we live.”  
“We'll treat them nicely,” persuaded Pearl. “And we'll blindfold them while we take them here. Just think of how useful a bit of money would be!”  
Somehow she convinced us. Amethyst stayed with the Fusions while the three of us went in the night. Eventually, we saw the perfect target - a short girl with blonde hair and green eyes wearing a green outfit.   
Bismuth grabbed her from behind. Our goal was that it would all happen so fast she forgot to scream. “What quadrant are you from!?” Pearl demanded.  
“Y-Yellow,” the quivering girl answered.  
“What is your name?!”  
“S-Samantha Reid…”  
As the two started to blindfold her, I took the pen and paper we had brought out of my pocket and leaned on a nearby tree to write.  
 _Dear Yellow,_  
 _I have Samantha Reid. We will give her back if you meet us in the forest at 8:30 on any night and give us $100. No harm will come to her._   
It was a pretty bad hostage - pathetically small ransom, no time limit and no threats to the victim. But for us, having any money was an achievement.

The hostage was surprisingly easy - she didn't struggle or put up a fight. She did what she was told and ate when we fed her.   
There was one problem, though: night after night we would take her to our requested meeting spot, to no avail. Nobody ever came for her.  
We had been keeping her for a week when, as we were coming back one day at 9:30, she said, “Give it up. Nobody's coming for me. Nobody has any reason to.”  
“Someone's bound to come,” I said.  
The girl shook her head.   
We didn't want to believe that there was really nobody coming for her. I mean, if one of us was kidnapped, then the rest of us would storm the place. We all knew this was a cruel world, but none of us wanted to accept the idea that she really had no loved ones, or even employers.  
So, we continued going there every night. We formed a pretty good routine around it. We would sleep during the day, with us all taking shifts of staying awake for a few hours to keep watch. At around seven-thirty, whoever was on sentry duty would wake us all up. The Fusions would babysit Amethyst and Pearl, Garnet and I would take Samantha down at eight. We would wait for around half an hour, then either we would all go back to the base, or one of us would take Samantha back while the other two went out doing things.   
It was around two months after we first kidnapped her that we started to consider giving up. We collectively decided that if anyone was coming for her, they would have by now, and I was starting to consider whether it would be better to invite her into the group or to set her free. Still, we continued taking her down to the forest every night, though we didn't wait for as long before giving up.  
Two months and two weeks, I think it was. That was when she came.  
We were out there with Samantha as usual, and it was around 8:40. We were about to leave, even if it was only ten minutes past the time we stated on the letter. We had pretty much given up hope by this point. Until we heard footsteps stomping.  
We were tempted to just run, but we couldn't leave Samantha like that. So we waited until we saw her - a tall muscular woman with platinum blonde hair and dark skin. Her legs were covered by her brown pants, but her orange singlet allowed us to see her arms, which were badly scarred, though not as badly as the huge mark on her face.  
She grabbed Garnet by the collar, grinning. "So it was you low-life scum who took Samantha."  
"What took you so long?!" choked Samantha.   
"Just checking to make sure you weren't faking it." She released Garnet, grinning as she took Samantha's hand.  
I glared. "The money?"  
She rolled her eyes as she reached into the back pocket of her trousers and pulled out five twenty-dollar bills. "Pathetically small ransom, worth about as much as Sammy here."  
She stepped forward, shoving the money into Garnet's hands with a grin. "Been a while since I gave you money, Garnet. I'll slip in a little extra if we have some fun..."  
"No." said Garnet firmly, but her hands were shaking.   
"Ugh, whatever," snapped Garnet, pushing Garnet roughly as she walked off with Samantha. I looked over at Garnet nervously. She was shaking. I bit my lip.   
"Do you two...know each other?"  
"Ex-client." she said simply. "Come on, we'd better get going. We have to decide what to do with this money." 


	4. Mala-Djustments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Pearl's POV

In my desperation to get back into the team’s good graces, I had somehow convinced myself that we would be able to take a hostage and then never see her again after our ransom was paid.   
It was the day after we had released her that we found her again.  
A few hours before we found her, we had been debating what to do with our ransom money.   
Our biggest problem was whether we should spend it on weapons and tools to help defend ourselves or something to entertain ourselves with - books, puzzles, pens and paper, whatever. Bismuth and Garnet wanted weapons, while Amethyst and Rose wanted entertainment. I was undecided, so I came up with the idea of splitting it.   
Then was the next debate - should we share our money with the Fusions? On one hand, they were our allies, and they had helped us by supervising Amethyst. On the other hand, they hadn't actually done any of the hostage work.  
Eventually, we decided that we just couldn't split it between us and the Fusions. There were twelve of us all up - if we split it evenly, we'd get less than ten dollars each. But we didn't think it would be fair to give some of it to Amethyst and not the Fusions when they did more work, so we ended up splitting it four-way so that Garnet, Bismuth, Rose, and I had $25 each.  
That night, we went to look at the shops, to decide what to spend it on. Amethyst talked us into letting her come even though I was sure she was planning to guilt trip us into giving her something.  
We took our normal route to the city - down the mountain we were camped at and through the forest. We were about halfway through the forest when we saw her.  
“Samantha Reid!” choked Amethyst.   
“Don't worry,” said Samantha quickly. “I'm not, like, getting revenge or anything.”  
“Then what do you want?!” demanded Bismuth.  
“Well...for my so-called captors, you guys were really nice to me. You fed me, you gave me water, you never hurt me. So... I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”  
Rose hesitated. “What do you need?”  
“Well...it's my friends, Jas and Marina. Jas is the one that picked me up when you guys took me hostage, but I don't think you know Marina. They're dating, but I really don't think they're good for each other."  
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.   
"They sort of...control each other? Like, they live in Marina's house, and I think Jas really wants to leave but Marina won't let her. I think Marina's controlling her bank account too, they work for different quadrants but Marina has money from Blue and Yellow. And also I think Jas sort of...beats Marina? I think that Marina's kinda obsessed with Jas, and Jas wants to leave but she can't, so she vents her frustration by hurting Marina. It's really unhealthy."  
"Wait," asked Amethyst anxiously. "Is Jas short for Jasmine or Jasper?"  
"Uhh...both, I guess. Her real name is Jasmine, but she wants me to call her Jasper for some reason."  
"Jasmine Letoa?" asked Amethyst.   
"Um...She's never really told me her last name, but I know it starts with L. I'm pretty sure she's Samoan, if that helps?"  
Amethyst gasped. "Guys, I think this is my cousin! We have to go help her, c'mon!"  
"No." said Garnet firmly.   
"C'mon, we have to! She's my cousin!"  
"We're not helping her. She's my ex-client."   
"So? I thought the Crystal Gems were meant to, like, help people! We can't just leave her because she's your 'ex-client'! What does that even mean?! You're too young to even have a job!"  
"Shut up!" yelled Garnet, her hands shaking from fury. I almost ran forward and grabbed her arms, I was scared she was about to just lose it and punch Amethyst.  
"Calm down," said Rose. "both of you." She turned to Garnet. "Garnet, you know what it means to be a Crystal Gem, and if Jasper is in need of help then we have to do something. But if she makes you uncomfortable, then you don't have to interact with her. You can stay behind while we go to help, and we won't bring her back with us."  
Garnet glared, but nodded. "Okay."  
"Thanks. Is everyone else coming?"  
"Hell yeah!" said Amethyst.  
"I'm game." agreed Bismuth.  
"I guess I'll come..." I muttered.  
"Alright," continued Rose. "Garnet, I need you to go down and explain this to the Fusions and ask if any of them want to come. Tell them to meet us here."  
She nodded. "Okay. I'll text you when I get there."  
And with that, she left.


	5. Family Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst's POV

It was about an hour after Garnet left, maybe a little more, that our reinforcements arrived.   
It wasn't everyone, of course - just Ruby and Sapphire. Apparently Ruby had wanted to be a part of the action, and Sapphire had come along to keep her safe. Cute, I guess.   
And with the news that it was just them, we started the journey. Samantha was in the lead, since she knew where we were going, then Rose, as the leader of our group. Pearl was a little behind her, then Bismuth. Ruby, Sapphire and I lagged behind.   
Sapphire was staring at me the whole time. It was making me kinda creeped out. Her face is so hard to read, I couldn't tell if she was angry or what.   
If that was creepy, I was really confused and creeped out when she started talking shit about me to Ruby. They tried to deny it but they showed all the signs - whispering, stealing glances at me when they thought I couldn't tell, giggling, refusing to tell me what they were talking about, the usual.   
Eventually, the two separated and Sapphire walked up to me. "This is your first mission," she said, quietly enough that the others wouldn't hear.  
"Yeah, so?" I replied, equally quietly.  
"Well, the Crystal Gems would be pretty angry if you withheld information from them that could affect the mission."  
My heart skipped a beat. "Well, good thing I don't have any information like that."  
"Keep in mind that you're talking to a girl who deduced your entire life story within half an hour of meeting you. I wouldn't be trying to keep secrets."  
At that exact moment, Ruby yelled, "Hey! New girl! Race you to the end of the forest!"  
If I had just waited a half second to try and come up with an excuse not to race, then I wouldn't need to, because Rose would be telling us not to. But Ruby didn't wait - she ran off without me. And I wasn't one to say no to a race.   
So, I ran after her.   
She had a head start, so I had to go pretty fast to catch up. For most of the race, she was only just slightly ahead of me, close enough that I was sure I could catch up in time to win overall. We were almost at the end of the forest when I fell.   
Ruby continued to run for a second before she realized what had happened, then doubled back to help me up. "What happened? You okay?"  
"Yeah," I mumbled. "Just tripped over a rock."  
"No, you didn't."  
I looked behind me, groaning. It was Sapphire. "What are you doing here?" I asked.  
"I knew you were going to fall, so I came here to see if you were okay. The others think I'm just trying to tell you off."  
"How did you know I was going to fall?!"  
"About that," muttered Ruby. "the race was kinda her idea. To test out her theory."  
"So why did you really fall?" asked Sapphire.  
I found myself blushing. “...Look, I got my ankle hurt being an idiot when I was a kid and my parents couldn't afford to get it treated so it never healed properly. It's no big deal, ok?”  
“It had better not be a big deal,” muttered Ruby. “They'll be pissed if you don't tell them.”  
“Shh, they're coming!” hissed Sapphire.  
Sure enough a few seconds later Samantha and Rose walked into view, followed by Pearl and Bismuth.   
“That was irresponsible,” scolded Pearl. “You could have been caught!”  
“Amethyst tripped over a rock,” explained Sapphire.   
“Are you okay?” asked Rose.   
“Yeah, I'm fine,” I muttered, limping forward. “C'mon, let's go.”

“Hey, cuz! Long time no see!”  
I winced slightly, and not from the pain in my ankle. It had been so long since I saw Jasmine, and her arms were covered in scars I hadn't seen before. Her face had been scarred as long as I could remember, but I could tell something had happened that left those awful gashes on her arms.   
“Good to see ya, cuz. What happened to your arms?”  
“Eh, long story. Got into a fight with some tr-”  
She hesitated, then dropped the subject. “What about you, what happened to your chest?”  
I looked down at the scar on my chest that was only half covered by my shirt. “Bad fall.”  
“Of course, clumsy little runt. So what brings you here?”  
“Oh, we just came to kidnap your girlfriend.”  
“Oh, really? Do you want me to go get her?”  
“Nah, I'm just here to distract you while my friends kidnap her.”  
“Ok cool.”  
I heard a voice, probably Marina, screaming. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bismuth dragging a girl in a blue dress.   
“Is she one of your friends?” asked Jas casually.  
“Yeah,” I answered. “I'd better get going now. Bye!”


	6. Peridot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Samantha's POV

This was the first time I had gone to the Crystal Gems’ base without being blindfolded.  
Marina struggled and cried the entire trip. It scared me to think she had really grown so attached to Jasper. She was really angry that I had organized to separate them, she kept threatening me.  
Garnet was angry too, when we got back. That they had gone to help Jasper. Marina was much harder to hold captive than I was, Pearl eventually had to make some rope out of grass and old torn-up clothes and tie her up.  
Marina was a dark-skinned Filipino girl, with short wavy black hair and dark blue eyes. She had a skinny frame and was wearing a blue crop top and matching skirt, each with a black triangle on her stomach so that it looked vaguely like a diamond.  
She was Blue and proud, that was for sure.  
Civilization here is divided into three quadrants: White, Yellow and Blue. Yes, I know that having three quadrants is impossible, I'll explain later. Anyway, when you're born they assign you one, and for the rest of your life, you have to work for the leader of that quadrant and obey their rules.  
The highest class quadrant was White. The leader was a tall, pale woman with greying hair. I don't know much about White.   
Next was Yellow, my quadrant. The leader was blonde, tan and strict. She made us all wear the same work uniform, and work always has to be our top priority. And her assistant is a stuck-up jerk.  
Finally was Blue, Marina’s quadrant. I don't know much about Blue, but the leader is a dark-skinned woman who wears a hijab.  
There was a fourth quadrant, Pink, but the leader was murdered by Rose Quartz, and the whole system sort of fell apart. Families were split up when they were reassigned - Jasper was reassigned to Yellow, but most of her family ended up in Blue. A lot of people just ran away and joined the Crystal Gems, since murdering the leader had made their little gang so popular. That's how they ended up having a sub-group, the Fusions.  
After Marina was tied up, I decided to approach the leader, Rose Quartz. She greeted me with a warm smile and casually asked how she could help me.  
I said, clearly, “I'd like to join.”  
“What?” she exclaimed.  
“I would like to join the Crystal Gems.”  
She looked around at her teammates. “Well? What do you guys think?”  
“I'm not sure…” said Garnet skeptically.  
“No way!” choked Bismuth.  
“Maybe,” muttered Pearl. “For now, we need to focus on Marina.”  
“I don't see why not,” said Amethyst.   
“I'll tell you what,” decided Rose. “If you can convince Marina that her relationship with Jasper really wasn't healthy, I'll let you join.”

I started work on rehabilitating Marina that day. She refused to listen, instead screaming profanities at me, so I tried again at the same time the next day.  
By talking to her at the same time every day I got her to agree to have a civil conversation within a week. She still didn't want to listen to me; she just said she loved Jasper and wanted to go back to her.  
“Are you sure you want to go back to her?” I asked one day. “I saw her beating you.”  
And to my surprise, she burst into tears.   
“I don't know why she hurt me! Doesn't she love me?!”  
I bit my lip. “I don't think she did, Marina. You didn't treat her very well.”  
“But I loved her!”  
“I know, Marina, but you were really controlling of her.”  
“I just didn't want her to leave...I love her…”  
“I know you did. But she didn't love you and it wasn't healthy for either of you. The only way you can recover is by spending some time away from her. That's why the Crystal Gems took you in.”  
It took a lot of persuading, but after a while I was untying her and asking Rose if we could join the Crystal Gems together.  
When we first officially joined, I don't think she had really gotten over Jasper, but she was starting to at least realize that she might have been a bit too attached, and she thanked us for taking her away, which was a good sign.  
Anyway, we had to choose gemstones to use as our code names. Marina went with Lapis Lazuli, or Lapis for short. I eventually decided on Peridot.  
Soon I learned the other Crystal Gems’ stories, along with the Fusions’. Garnet, Rose, and Pearl refused to talk about their pasts, but Bismuth had worked as a carpenter and quit for Rose. Ruby and Sapphire were in the Blue quadrant, and they had been kicked out by their parents for being gay. Rainbow Quartz, Opal, Alexandrite, and Sardonyx had run away after the Pink quadrant collapsed. Sugilite refused to talk about her life before the Crystal Gems, but I couldn't blame her.   
It was a few weeks after I joined that, when Lapis was asleep, I brought up the possibility of talking to Jasper.  
Amethyst was all for it, but the others had mixed opinions. Apart from Amethyst, Rose seemed to be the most in favor. "We obviously can't risk approaching her right now, since Lapis might react badly. But yes, I do think we should plan to talk to her at some point in the future."  
"No." said Garnet.   
Amethyst clicked her tongue in irritation. "Not this again, G!"  
"I don't want that woman anywhere near me again."  
"Garnet, please -" began Rose.  
"For God's sake, Garnet," snapped Amethyst, standing up. "She's my cousin! Don't you care about my family?!"  
"This isn't about her being your family!" snapped Garnet. "This is about..."  
She hesitated. "It's about..."  
"Amethyst," interrupted Rose. "It's not just about Garnet. Jasper was in the Pink quadrant, and she was quite close to the leader. When the quadrant collapsed, she was separated from most of her family. When she picked up Peridot she talked to Garnet, not me. If I try to force her to talk to me, well..."  
Amethyst opened her mouth to protest, then stomped off.  
"She'll come back," said Rose. She turned to me. "Look, Peridot, I know you'd like to talk to Jasper again. But right now, we just can't. If you want to go down to see her by yourself or just with Amethyst, that's fine. But if we tried to bring her up here, Lapis could relapse, Garnet could break down, she could try to kill me...it's just too risky."  
I nodded silently; I had thought getting Jasper to join us would just be a matter of waiting until Lapis could be safe. I hadn't factored in her problems with Garnet or Rose. It had been a stupid idea, really. Why would Jasper join the group that killed her leader?  
Still, at least my stupid request had given me some benefit: I was now more determined than ever to find out about Garnet's past.

It was a few days after her fight with Amethyst over Jasper that I found Garnet sitting alone on the edge of the forest.  
"What are you doing here?" I asked.  
She tore a few blades of grass out of the ground and started fidgeting with them. "Just...thinking."  
"About what?"  
She didn't answer, silently picking up a rock and throwing it against a tree.  
"Is it about Jasper?" I asked nervously.   
She hesitated. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."   
"Did she...do something to you?"  
She shook her head.  
"Then why do you hate her?" I asked.  
"She..." She hesitated. "She reminds me of something I did to myself."


	7. Only One Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bismuth's POV

We went out late at night, as usual. All of the Crystal Gems, minus the newbie Lapis Lazuli. She had been forced to stay behind with the Fusions.

We were going out to get food, or rather to steal food. We weren't wasting our hard-earned ransom money on something we stole every week.

So, we took the normal route. Down the mountain and through the forest. We crawled out of the forest, so that the city was in view, and we got around halfway through the open plane, almost to the city.

Then we heard the gunshots.

Before anyone knew what was happening we were being shot at from all sides. “Get down!” screamed Garnet. Normally we only took orders from Rose, but this time none of us hesitated. We dropped to the ground instantly.

“Does this always happen?” yelled Peridot.

“No!” I shouted back. “What's going on?!”

“We've been going down here a lot lately,” Rose answered. “They must have figured out the route we take.”

“So what do we do?!” screamed Amethyst.

“We need to get back in the forest! They can't shoot us if they can't see us!”

A bullet flew past my head. “Easier said than done.”

“When I say go, we all get up and run for it. Three...two...one...GO!”

I sprang to my feet and started running towards the trees. I was almost there when I heard Amethyst’s voice screaming in pain behind me. I turned and saw her collapsed on the ground, clutching her ankle. Fearing the worst, I ran back to help her, crouching down to avoid being hit. “Did they get you? Are you shot?!”

“No, I just fell…” she grunted. “I can't walk…”

“Come on, I'll help you.”

I stood up, holding out my hand to help her up, and the next thing I knew I felt a searing pain in my chest.

I collapsed to the ground as I saw the blood pouring out of my chest. I was dimly aware of Rose grabbing my shoulders and dragging me into the safety of the trees. 

I forced myself to keep my eyes open, if only because I was scared I would die in my sleep if I closed them. I saw Rose tearing some fabric off of the bottom of her white dress and using it to soak up some of the blood pouring out of the wound. I felt her pushing down on the wound and I grunted in pain. “Come on, Bismuth,” she panted, more to herself than me. “Please, please, _please_ make it…”

I wanted to promise her that I would but my voice failed me. My head was spinning. The blood loss caught up to me and everything went black.


	8. First Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lapis POV

The other Crystal Gems arrived back only an hour and a half after they had left, Amethyst lying in Rose's arms, Bismuth being carried by Pearl and Garnet. All of them were several shades paler than I was used to telling them, with a solemn look on each of their faces.  
"What happened?" I asked quickly.  
"They must have seen us coming through the forest," panted Garnet. "They attacked us...there were bullets everywhere..."  
She and Pearl gently placed Bismuth on the ground. I almost threw up seeing Bismuth's lifeless body. Her normally black skin was a sickly shade of grey, and she was completely still. Her chest was covered in dry blood. No wonder Pearl was shaking so badly.   
"Oh God..." breathed Opal next to me.  
"I had a bad fall and she ran back to help me," explained Amethyst guiltily. "I'm so sorry, guys, this is all my fault..."  
"It's not anybody's fault," said Rose firmly. "We just need to try and find a way to make sure it doesn't happen again." She was trying so hard to keep herself together, but she sounded like she was on the verge of tears.   
"No, you don't understand..." said Amethyst. "I - I should have told you guys..."  
"Told us what?" asked Pearl.  
She bit her lip. "I knew I was going to fall."  
"Wait, what?!" choked Pearl.  
"I..." She hesitated. "I have this problem with my ankle..."  
"And you didn't tell us?!"  
"Well, I didn't want you to think I was -"  
"You said it was no big deal!" screamed Ruby.  
Rose turned to face her. "You knew about this, Ruby?"  
Ruby blushed guiltily. “I - well…”  
Sapphire stepped forward. “We both knew, I deduced it when we went to go help Lapis. She assured us that it was not a big deal.”  
Rose sighed. “Well, I certainly hope you've learned your lessons. Keeping secrets isn't safe around here. Secrets cost lives.”

Bismuth’s funeral was the next day. We couldn't get, like, a church service or anything, so we just buried her under a tree and carved her name into the bark. Not just her code name - underneath the word _Bismuth_ was the words _Amelia Morgan._  
I didn't know her very well, so Peridot and I mostly just watched, but the others all went up to talk about her and cried and put flowers on her grave.  
Amethyst was a wreck. The others were still angry at her for not telling them about her ankle, and she blamed herself for Bismuth’s death. She couldn't find support in the other Crystal Gems, so Peridot and I took the responsibility of approaching her.  
She was sitting against the tree Bismuth had been buried under, muttering to herself. “I'm really sorry, Bis... I didn't mean for this to happen…”  
I walked up to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “It wasn't your fault, you know.”  
She sniffled. “It was. If I had told them then I wouldn't have gone and she wouldn't have gotten shot helping me.”  
“You couldn't have known.”  
“There were bullets everywhere,” added Peridot. “Someone was bound to get hit.”  
“But we all made it. She would have been fine if she hadn't gone back to help me.”  
“Then you would have died instead.”  
“Well...maybe I should have died instead! Then they would all be so much happier!”  
“I wouldn't,” I said. “I didn't know her as well as I know you. If you had died instead, I'd be devastated.”  
“So would the others,” said Peridot. “We didn't know about your leg. If you had died without telling us, we would all blame ourselves.”  
“I guess…” she murmured.   
“Come on,” I suggested. “Let's go for a walk.”  
We were so busy trying to cheer her up we didn't notice Rose sneaking off.


	9. Crystal Clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper's POV

For a long time, only one person was important.  
The leader of Pink.  
I remember my old days with her fondly. Back when my hatred for her personal assistant was because I viewed her as a romantic rival, not because I resented her for letting her be murdered. Back when everyone treated me like royalty because I was her friend.  
Everyone says that the Crystal Gems killed her because she was just as much of a dictator as the other leaders, but I always thought that they just targeted her because she was young and had less guards - because she was an easy target. Trust me, I've served both Pink and Yellow and Pink was infinitely better. The others pressured her into making some bad choices, but...She actually cared about her people.  
She cared about me.  
She was the only person who knew.   
When you have a secret that affects everything about who you are, and you can't tell anyone the secret or you'll almost definitely be killed, and the only person who knows the secret and is still your friend is murdered, it can really affect you.  
So, naturally, when a letter appeared in my mailbox saying that the leader of Pink was secretly alive and wanted to meet me in the forest, I was in the forest before I even had time to consider that it might be fake.  
I mean, what's a man to do?

I found her after running through the forest for around ten minutes. It was her. I almost burst into tears on the spot. Her pink hair was messier, her pink dress torn and dirty, but it was definitely her. I dropped to my knees instantly. "My leader..."  
"Stand up. You know I don't like being worshipped."   
I quickly stood up. "I'm sorry, my leader, I'm just so shocked...I thought you were murdered! How did you survive?"  
"Well, Jasper," she said simply. "I've already kept a secret for you. So now it's your turn to keep a secret for me. You can never tell anybody what I'm about to tell you."  
"Of course."  
"It's a long story. Sit down."  
I sat down on the grass and she sat next to me. "So how did you survive?"  
"Well...You know about the other leaders trying to pressure me into being cruel like them, don't you?"  
"Of course, my leader."  
"Well, eventually I grew tired of them. So, in an attempt to evade my responsibilities as leader, my assistant and I disguised ourselves as commoners to hang out with my soldiers for a few hours."  
"Wh-What?" I stuttered. I felt so betrayed. Her assistant and I had been...rivals of sort, I guess. We both had an extreme devotion to her that developed into a romance. But I had always thought we were on roughly equal ground when it came to the leader of Pink. I didn't know she had a preference.  
"Yes, that is what happened. At first, anyway. Eventually, we decided to go one step further. Disguising ourselves as commoners at night, doing our royal duties in daylight. We never got any sleep but it was worth it to have fun."  
I bit my lip. "What happened next?"  
"We...found someone. Dorothy Hotchner, her name was. We used to call her Hotch for short. Anyway...Hotch was sort of in the middle of a breakdown when we found her. So, we helped her. Took her in. Found a secret place for her to stay during the day and be safe. Stole food for her at night."  
"And...?"  
"There were others like her. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn't maintain my double life. I was paranoid about them finding out, I was sleep deprived as anything, and I was sick of the other leaders pressuring me. It seemed like a good idea at the time."  
I gulped. "What seemed like a good idea at the time?"  
"Faking my own death."  
My heart skipped a beat. "How did you do it?"  
"Simple. Got my assistant to use the disguise I used when I was being a commoner. Had her stab me in a way that looked bad but was easy to treat. Ran for it.”  
“And...then?” I asked, fearing the answer.  
“Well, me and the girls I helped...formed a group. A group called the Crystal Gems. We chose code names based on gemstones. Hotch calls herself Garnet now, my assistant calls herself Pearl...and I go by Rose Quartz.”  
I gasped in shock. “My...my leader! I've been defying you all this time without even knowing…”  
“Yes, well, now you have another chance. Get your stuff and meet me here, same time tomorrow. Then you can join the Crystal Gems.”


	10. Disagreements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garnet POV

“You've got to be fucking kidding me.”

Those were the first words I said when I got the news that Jasmine Letoa was joining the Crystal Gems.

Rose sighed. “It's for the best. It's almost winter and we've lost a member recently.”

“I. Don't. Care!” I snapped. “You have no idea how difficult it is for me to be around her!”

“Garnet, you're being unreasonable-”

“Shut up! You did this on purpose! You knew that I wouldn't want her to come, so you didn't bother telling me until it was too late to do anything! You thought I would just have to go along with it!”

The shocked look on her face told me I was right. “Well, I've already told her she can join, so…”

“So you're choosing.” I said in monotone, but I was full of fury. 

“W-What?” she stuttered. 

“Either you go back and tell Jasper she can't join, or I leave.”

“Garnet, you know I can't do that.”

“So that's your choice.”

I turned and started walking away from the base.

“Garnet, come on…” she called after me.

I ignored her.

“Garnet, please…”

I kept walking.

I wasn't sure where I was going, just that I wanted to be far away from Jasper. I couldn't go through the forest - too much risk of running into her. So I went over the mountains, further from civilization.

I found a cave in the side of a mountain and crawled into it. It was so tiny I could barely fit, but it was safe.

 

“Uhh...Garnet?”

I looked up. It was Peridot, holding a large orange bag. I crawled out of my cave. “I'm going to assume Rose sent you.”

She nodded. “She told me to bring your stuff. She said she really wants you to come back.”

“Well, you can tell her I'm not coming unless Jasper leaves.”

She sighed. “Look, you can see the ruins of the Pink castle from here.”

I nodded as I looked in the direction she was pointing. “We could probably walk there from here.”

She sat down on the rock and gestured for me to sit next to her. I did so. 

“You said she...reminds you of something?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I did say that.”

“It must be something really awful, if you still can’t stand to be around her.”

“...Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“...What did she do?” asked Peridot, her voice sounding vaguely scared - like she wasn’t sure if she could be friends with Jasper now.

I shook my head. “She didn’t hurt me. She just brings back memories.”

“Memories of what?”

I bit my lip. “You have to promise you won’t tell Amethyst or Lapis or anyone else.”

She nodded, but she still looked kind of worried. “Tell them what?”

I sighed; there was no turning back now. “Look, my parents were poor and things got rough and they asked me to make money for them, and I was young and I thought it was the only way I could...long story short, I was someone I didn't want to be.”

For a second she looked confused, then a look of realization came over her. “You were a…”

“Yes, I was. Just don't say it out loud, please. I was only young.”

“Well, maybe you should focus less on what you used to be and more on what you are now. Sometimes when you're dwelling on the past it can be helpful to ask yourself…”

And she asked me the question. 

It took me a moment to think of an answer. When I did, I grinned. “Stronger than her.”


	11. Both Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose's POV

“Are you sure this will work?”

Peridot looked up at me with anxious eyes. “I've got a plan,” I assured her. “I just need you to get Garnet to go to the ruins of the Pink castle.”

“Okay…” she answered nervously.

She walked off. I turned to Jasper. “Come on, Jasper. We have a mission together.”

 

“So...what do I do?”

“Hide behind that wall and wait for me to signal you.”

Jasper nodded and ran out of view. I sat down at the piano where I had learned to play all those years before and waited.

They weren't long - it was only five minutes before Peridot arrived, Garnet close behind her. Garnet gasped when she saw me. “Rose! I-”

I ignored her as I played a few practice notes on the piano, and then started the song.

_ “Why don't you talk to each other? _

_ Why don't you talk to each other, just give it a try? _

_ Why don't you talk about what happened? _

_ I know you're trying to avoid it, but I don't know why.” _

I signaled to Jasper, who walked into sight, grinning. Garnet’s jaw dropped.

_ “You might not believe it, _

_ You might not believe it _

_ But you've got a lot in common, you really do… _

_ You both love me and I love both of you.” _

Jasper approached Garnet. “Hey, if I were you, I'd hate me too.”

“I don't hate you...you just bring back memories.”

“You can't hide from the past, Garnet. You need to accept it before you can recover.”

Garnet chuckled. “I'm sorry. I've been so cruel to you.”

I smiled at them. Even if we had to stay in hiding for the rest of our lives, even if the world outside never got better, I could at least hold onto the thought that those two were getting along.


End file.
